


It's Gonna Be Alright

by SpellStrike



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Coming Out, Cuddles, Fluff, Fuck larry, Gay, Gay Love, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Kissing, M/M, Mention of Panic Attack, Oneshot, Self Harm, Telling the Family, Tree Bros, Treebros, gay boys, mentions of self harm, mums who love their sons, yes i'm english
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 06:50:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16613993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpellStrike/pseuds/SpellStrike
Summary: The two boys sat together in the front of Connors car, parked outside Evans house."Tonight?" Connor looked over to the other boy."Tonight." He confirmed."Just our mums?" Connor asks beginning to bounce his leg."Just mums. Your dad and Zoe don't need to know until you're defiantly ready.""Okay."You would have though telling your mum you have a boyfriend would be easy but no …..





	It's Gonna Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy this little oneshot let me know what you think xxxx

The two boys sat together in the front of Connors car, parked outside Evans house.  
"Tonight?" Connor looked over to the other boy.  
"Tonight." He confirmed.  
"Just our mums?" Connor asks beginning to bounce his leg.  
"Just mums. Your dad and Zoe don't need to know until you're defiantly ready."  
"Okay."  
"It's gonna be okay." Evan reaches over and lightly places his hand on Connors bouncing leg.  
"And if it's not?" Connor places his hand over Evans.  
"Then we still have each other, nothing changes." Evan says truthfully.  
"If it goes badly we're running away deal?"  
"Deal." Evan lightly laughs which elicits a small smile from Connor.  
"You'll let me know how it goes with your mum?"  
"Of course, you too." Evan interlaces their fingers together.  
"That's if I can get time with her alone."  
"You'll be fine Con, it's all going to work out."  
"I hope so." Connor runs his hands through his hair.  
"See you in the morning." Evan reaches over the centre console and gives Connor a hug to which he melts into.  
"See you." Connor mumbles into Evans shoulder before letting go. Connor watches as Evan gets out of the car and shuts the door behind him. He walks along the small pathway before turning to wave at Connor once he reached the door. 

As Evan enters the house out of sight Connor lets out a deep breath, no matter how much they had tried to prepare each other Connor definitely did not feel ready to have the conversation with his mum. Reluctantly Connor restarts the engine and drives home slowly, taking the longer route to give him more time to prepare. 

It was rare that Heidi would be home before Evan gets in from school but today was one of those days. As Evan walked into his living room his mum was sat on the sofa reading.  
"Hey honey how was school?"  
"Alright, I'm ganna go put my stuff away." Evan leaves the room and heads upstairs to his bedroom, he shuts the door behind himself and takes a seat on the bed.  
"It's going to be okay." He mumbles to himself. "Just breathe, what's the worse she can say? It'll be over quickly, she just needs to know, you agreed it with Connor. Don't be silly, man up a bit, it will be fine." Evan slips off his shoes and heads slowly back down to the living room. He seats himself on the other side of the sofa and busies his hands fiddling with the hem of his polo. 

"You okay honey?" Heidi asks putting down her book and looking over to Evan.  
"Yes." Evan answers.  
"Okay, do you want tacos for dinner or shall I order something?"  
"Tacos sounds great." Evan manages a small smile.  
"Awesome, I'll start them in a bit." Heidi goes to pick up her book again.  
"Mum, can we talk about something?" She quickly puts it down again and turns to face Evan.  
"Of course, what do you want to talk about?"  
"I um I'm um dating someone." Evans leg bounces with the anxious energy the whole situation seems to have created.  
"Evan that's great. I'm so happy for you, when can I meet them? What are they into? I hope they like take away as my cooking is quite limited." Evan smiles at his mum glad that it's out there.  
"Um I um."  
"Sorry for all the questions, can I at least know their name?"  
"Connor."  
"The same Connor that signed your cast?" Evan noted that his mum didn't even hesitate once she knew he was dating a guy.  
"Yes." Evan tries to gage his mums reaction which so far is exactly what he could have asked for.  
"Evan I'm so happy for you both, please let Connor know he is welcome anytime and that I would love to properly meet him.  
"I will do, you don't mind he's a guy."  
"Evan sweetie love is love and I'm really happy for you." Heidi kisses her son on the head before going back to her book. Evan takes out his phone and begins drafting out a text before turning back to his mum who has picked her book back up.  
"Mum." He gains Heidi's attention. "Thanks." 

E= All done, she actually seems excited for us both. Hope all is going well your end xx  
Evan texts Connor and receives a reply before he could even leave the messenger app.  
C= Just going now, mums alone cooking xx  
E= It'll be fine xx  
C= I hope so xx

Connor heads down from his room and into the kitchen where his mother had just started on dinner.  
"Hey Connor." Cynthia says not expecting much of a reply.  
"Can I help?" Connor asks slightly timidly.  
"Yes, of course." Cynthia replies slightly taken back. "I'm making spaghetti bolognese, you can either chop the veg or stir the meat in the pan."  
"I'll stir." Connor walks over to the cooker and quickly ties his hair into a bun. Cynthia gives him the meat from the fridge before she goes back to chopping the vegetables.  
"How's school been?" She asks in an attempt to make conversation.  
"Alright, I actually got 95% on my English lit paper the other day."  
"Connor that's amazing, you know in the last couple of months I've seen a real change in you, I'm happy that you're starting to enjoy things again."  
"Thanks mum."  
"Watch out a sec." Cynthia leans over him to put the vegetables into the pan. "Keep siring that and I'll get the stuff for the sauce." Connor shuts his eyes for a short second bathing in the new-found comfort he has talking with his mum again, not wanting to break it.  
"You know Connor, I know you don't like to talk to me much about things, but I am always here, ready to listen. Okay? Whenever, whatever."  
"Thanks mum." Connor gives her a slight smile and watches her add the sauce ingredients to the pan as he continues stirring it. 

"Mum."  
"Yes." She turns from her place at the sink.  
"There is something."  
"Alright." She dries her hands on a tea towel and walks back over to the cooker where Connors feet find themselves glued to the floor.  
"It might make you and dad mad though."  
"Connor you can tell me anything, I won't get mad I promise." Cynthia reaches out and places a hand on Connors upper arm.  
"I'm seeing someone." It's out, there was nothing Connor could do now to take it back now.  
"That's great Connor why would I be mad about that? How long have you known her?"  
"We've known of each other for quite a while but have only really hit it off this year." Connor pauses. "Um, also it's a guy."  
"Oh, are you gay?"  
"Please don't be mad, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything, ignore it all." Connor says quickly anticipating a negative remark.  
"Connor calm." Cynthia reaches out and carefully takes him into a hug his frame towering over hers. "I'm happy for you; Really happy." She smiles a genuinely happy smile. "As long as you're happy, and I can see you are, you can date anyone male or female, I'd love to meet him, do I..." They both turn quickly to the sound of Larry coughing.  
"Date anyone male or female? I hope I miss heard you?" He said bitterly. 

"Larry, isn't it good news Connor has a boyfriend, I said to you something was making him happy." Cynthia squeezes Connors shoulder before letting go.  
"That'll be the drugs Cynthia." Connor shut his eyes in frustration not wanting to have this fight with his dad after his mums positive reaction.  
"I don't take any drugs anymore." Connor says calmly.  
"Sure, and you're gay could this get any worse?" Larry shakes his head.  
"Larry, he can love whoever he is happy with." Cynthia try's and fails to support him.  
"He continues to bring shame on this family, how much more should I have to put up with? First this depressive phase now gay, my son, I actually can't believe it, I'm not having it." Larry tuts. "You need to start thinking about your actions Connor and who they influence. You bring this family shame and I won't have it. Now stop playing your stupid, childish games and get yourself together, you're not gay. I never want to hear you speak that way again! Get out of my sight. Stupid boy. Go. Leave. I don't want to see your face!" Larry shouts at Connor. Too worn down to try and fight it Connor leaves the kitchen his head hanging. He slides on his boots at the door and heads out into the rainy evening.

He keeps walking until he finds himself outside Evans house, but this point he is soaked through unable to tell the difference between the rain and his tears anymore. The warm glow of it looks so inviting but he is hesitant to go in and intrude with all his stupid issues. No one should have to deal with him. He paces up and down along the road before giving in and going up to the door. He rings the doorbell and waits, rubbing slightly at his eyes before deciding the efforts were futile. The door opens, and Evans mum answers slightly taken back by the boy in the door way.  
"Is Evan here?" Connor mumbles.  
"Yes, yes come in." Heidi moves aside. "Evan come here." Heidi calls. "Stay there sweetie I'll go grab you a towel." Heidi rushes away as Evan walks into the corridor.  
"Connor." Evan says confused.  
"Ev." Connor snuffles and wipes at his eyes aware of the tears beginning to start up again. "I shouldn't have come I'm sorry, I'll just make things messy. I'll go, I don't want to..." Connor turns but Evan grabs his arm to turn him back around.  
"Con stop. I don't want you to go anywhere." Evan takes Connor into a hug despite how wet the boy seemed to be from the rain. Connor buries his head into Evans neck, breathing in his warmth and comforting smell. "What ever happened it will all work out." Evan rubs Connors back as he continues to cry. 

Heidi hurries back into the corridor after hunting down a warm towel to find the two boys embracing each other, and what looks like Evan whispering comforting words to the taller boy.  
"Here you go." Heidi wraps the towel around Connors back as Evan pulls away but taking hold of the boys hand.  
"Go and get yourself a shower and warm up, I'm sure Evan can find you some clothes to borrow, I'll sort out some hot chocolates." Heidi rubs the boys back. Evan leads Connor up the stairs wordlessly until they are alone.  
"The shower's in there and there are loads of towels in the cupboard, I'll go and find something for you to wear." Evan squeezes Connors hand and he nods. "Come through to my room once you've finished." Connor goes into the bathroom and locks the door. Evan waits for the shower to turn on before going into his room to find Connor some clothes. 

He struggles to find anything that would really reach Connors length or his style but settled on some dark blue plaid pyjama pants, a navy-blue t-shirt and a navy blue zip up hoodie that he hoped would be long enough for his arms, knowing that Connor likes to have them covered all the time when in front of people. Evan busies himself by tidying round his room a little despite knowing that Connor really wouldn't care.  
"Hey." Connor says quietly, but looking a lot less tense, as he enters the room. Evan takes in the sight in front of him, Connor dressed only in a towel his surprisingly muscular torso fully exposed.  
"Hey." Evan squeaks slightly.  
"This what you've chosen me?" Connor continues on as if nothing had happened.  
"Um yes sorry, I hope it kinda fits, my underwear is in that draw if you want any socks or pants." Evan avoids Connors eyes.  
"Turn around then." Connor says giving a slight smile at Evans shy nature.  
"What?" Evan looks at him with confusion.  
"Are you gonna watch me change Hansen or turn around?"  
"I can wait outside."  
"Just turn around Ev." Evan does as Connor says and turns to face the wall a blush rising on his cheeks. 

Evan stood facing the wall silence filling the room other than the noises from Connor getting dressed and going in Evans draws.  
"Oh my gosh Ev I'm keeping these."  
"What, what have you found, can I turn around?" He could hear Connor sit down on the bed. "Connor talk to me."  
"I'm dressed." Evan turned around to find Connor sat wearing his clothes, something in Evans stomach warmed, he knew it was a picture he wanted to keep in his mind. Connor pulled at the hoodie sleeves to stretch it over his hands before using the hair band around his wrist to place his hair up in a bun.  
"What have you taken?" Evan asked while moving across the room and sitting next to the taller boy.  
"These." Connor stuck his feet out and wiggled his toes to show off a pair of Evans socks that he had put on. The socks were a light blue colour with little green fir trees all over them. Evan felt the blush return to his cheeks.  
"They're so cute; just like you." Connor mumbled the last part. Evans face yet again featured a red tinge. The boys locked eyes and Evan snuggled his head into Connors neck, Connor reciprocated by wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. 

"Boys chocolates ready, if you want I'll wash through all the wet clothes and try and get them dry for tomorrow." Heidi's shout reaches the boys.  
"Are you sure she's actually fine with me staying?" Connor mumbles into Evans hair.  
"She seemed really keen to meet you earlier when I told her, I'm sure she's fine for you to stay." Evan pulls away first and looks to Connor. "Let’s head down and get a drink, are your clothes in the bathroom?" Connor nods his anxiety seeping into his demeanour. "Con look at me, she's going to like you, I don't know what happened at your house, but I can promise you it will get better. My mum is fully accepting and supportive of what we've got, she's going to be completely fine with you being here." 

The boys walk down into the living room where Heidi is just placing two steaming mugs on the coffee table.  
"Here you are, make yourself comfortable, are they your wet clothes?" Heidi gestures to the dark clothes pile in Connors arms to which he nods in response.  
"Let me take those sweetie." Heidi reaches out and takes the clothes. "You look a lot warmer now honey." Connor makes brief eye contact with Heidi before looking away his body still anticipating a reaction or argument.  
"Why don't you both chill in here while I get dinner ready, tacos okay with you sweetie?" He nods slightly. "Great." Heidi turns to leave the room.  
"Um, mum."  
"Yup." Heidi turns back again. "This is Connor, if you hadn't worked it out." Evan takes hold of Connors hand and squeezes it.  
"I did think it was, it's lovely to put a name to face, Connor your always welcome here I'm glad you're happy with each other."  
"Is it okay if Connor stays over tonight?" Evan asks softly.  
"I thought that was the plan? Of course, you're welcome to stay whenever Connor."  
"Thanks mum."  
"Right I better go make food or we'll all starve." Heidi kisses Evans head and leaves the room to enter the kitchen. 

Evan walks over and sits on the couch, Connor sitting directly next to him.  
"Connor you can relax she's fine with you, well she probably loves you already if I'm honest." Evan rubs his hand on Connors thigh.  
"It all went so fucking wrong Ev." Connor hunches over hiding his face.  
"Connor come here." Evan pulls Connor into him and lets him cry on his chest. "It's going to be fine no matter how crappy it is now, look how far we've got already, who would have thought that would have happened." Connor curls himself up on the sofa lying so his head rests in the crook of Evans neck, their legs intertwined. "Connor, we'll sort it all out, I’m not losing you."  
"Larry told me to leave." Connor mumbles into Evans neck. "I bring shame upon the family."  
"No Connor you don't, who you fall in love with cannot bring shame on a family, their rejection of you makes them shameful." Evan kisses Connors head. "You can stay here until we sort things, did you tell your mum?" Connor nods.  
"She was really accepting and supportive. I think it surprised her, but she was happy and wanted to meet you."  
"That's so good Con, so did she tell your dad?"  
"No..." Connor tears up again. "He overheard my mum telling me I could love anyone: male or female. He lost it."  
“It’ll be okay Connor, we’ll get through this.” Evan kisses the top of Connors head again and they remain snuggled together in silence until Heidi returns with plates of food. 

“Foods ready boys.” Heidi puts the plates down on the coffee table watching adoringly as the boys untangle themselves from each other.  
“Thanks mum, it looks great.” Evan first gives Connor some food before getting his own and then sitting himself as close as possible to Connor without restricting his ability to eat.  
“Connor, I don’t wish to pry but does your mum know your safe.” Heidi asks while eating.  
“I’ll text my sister.” Connor mumbles but reaches for his phone to send a quick message to Zoe to pass on to his mum without his dad finding out.  
“Okay, I just don’t want her to worry about you.”  
“Mum.” Evan says trying to detract from that conversation.  
“Sorry. Like I said though you’re welcome to stay as long as you need, we don’t have an air bed, so you can share or sleep down here.” Evans face immediately heats up at the suggestion of sharing despite the fact they have unbeknown to Heidi they have shared before.  
“Thanks, I’ll sleep on the sofa.’ Connor says quietly.  
“If you’re sure, you know I’m not stupid you guys have probably had each other to stay before and I really am happy for you, no need to change anything you've been doing for the last few months to please me.”  
“Thanks mum, we’ll most likely share.” Evan looks up to Connor who gives a small smile and kisses Evans head. 

The rest of the meal is filled with mundane chat about Heidi’s work and Evans day at school, neither of the Hansen’s making Connor join the conversation.  
“I’ll clear up, you both do whatever you want.” Heidi begins by collecting the plates.  
“Thanks mum, we’re both exhausted so we’re going to head upstairs.”  
“Okay, I’m on shift tomorrow so I won’t see you in the morning. I don’t want to pry about what happened but if you need the day out of school that’s fine with me, just text and let me know.”  
“Thanks mum.” Evan takes hold of Connors hand and leads I’m back upstairs to his bedroom and shutting the door behind them both. 

Connor sits himself down on Evans bed staring at his phone.  
“You okay?” Evan asks from the other side of the room where he was sorting out something to sleep in.  
“Zoe messaged back.” Connor replies running his hands through his hair.  
“Okay.” Evan sits himself next to Connor and takes one of his hands.  
“She says that mum has been really upset all evening and hasn’t spoken to Larry. Apparently, Larry told her, and she also had a go at him so now Zo and mum are cuddling in Zoe’s room watching a film. She’s told mum I’m safe.”  
“Con let’s try not to worry for now, both out mums are happy for us. Love is love Connor why should we pretend that we don’t love each other?”  
“You love me?” Connor speaks softly and looks to Evan.  
“Yes.” Evan nods hesitantly worried he may scare Connor off.  
“How did you know?”  
“When I realised that in all this I could lose you. I couldn’t imagine life without you.” Evan admits and snuggles into Connors shoulder. Connor places his hand under Evans chin and moves his face, so they can look clearly at one another. He leans down and captures the shorter boy’s lips with his own. This kiss is sweet and soft full of newly announced love, arms tanged around torsos or playing with strands of hair. Connor pulls back and places his forehead on Evans.  
“I love you too.” He admits. “and I don’t want to lose you either.” They reconnect their lips for a more passionate kiss. Evan climbs into Connors lap his knees either side of Connors hips. Connor holds Evan in that position while they continue to kiss fervently. Evan nibbles at Connors lower lip causing the other to moan slightly and draw the smaller boy closer to him. Evan licks at Connors upper lip before both boys end in a fight for dominance, Connor lays on the bed and flips them over so that Evan is now below him. The kisses turn softer and Connor kisses lightly down Evans neck then lays atop of the boy. 

“I want it to be like this moment for ever.” Connor nuzzles into Evans neck.  
“One day soon it will.”  
“I can’t wait.” Connor mumbles. Evan reaches up and kisses Connor on the head.  
“Can I get up, I need to get changed?”  
“As long as you’re coming back.” Connor kisses Evans nose before moving off him.  
“I dunno, I’ll think about it.” Evan chuckles slightly as he slides off the bed.  
“Hansen you’re going to be the death of me.” Connor sits himself up and takes off the hoodie he had on, throwing it on the floor.  
“Shut your eyes Murphy.”  
“Spoil sport.” Connor sticks out his bottom lip but shuts his eyes.  
“Hardly.” Evan giggles as he quickly changes onto some pyjama pants and a t-shirt. “Done.” Evan tells Connor and makes his way back across the room turning off the main light and putting on the side light.  
“Bed time Hansen?” Connor teases but shuffles over so Evan can get in.  
“I thought we could cuddle for a bit? If you um, don’t um, want to I can, I um, can put a film on?”  
“Evan chill I was joking, I couldn’t think of anything better.” Connor reaches out and takes Evans hand pulling him into the bed. 

Evan climbs in and pulls the covers over the both of them.  
“Hey.” Connor mumbles as Evan snuggles into the taller boy’s side.  
“Hey.” Connor wraps his arm around Evan and gently rubs his back. “You okay Con?”  
“Yep.” He says avoiding Evans eye contact.  
“Tell me the truth you know I’m not going to judge you.” Evan kisses Connors jaw.  
“I’m okay, just feel a bit shitty. I just, I dunno, it seems no matter how hard I try I can’t get it right.” Connor rubs at his eyes.  
“You are so strong Connor, you did the right thing. There is no reason to be ashamed of the relationship we have. I love you, we’ll get through this.”  
“I love you.” Connor turns on his side and kisses Evan. The boys talk about mindless things occasionally exchanging kisses until they fall asleep tangled up together. 

Connor awoke at some point in the early hours feeling worse than earlier. He couldn't get his head to calm and let him go back to sleep. Everything from the afternoon kept replaying in his mind. His dad well and truly hated him, he had to leave his house. Fuck his own dad had now made him feel unwelcome in his own home. Connor knew exactly what he wanted to do, what he felt he needed to do. It was the usual way of coping now that the weed was pretty much gone. Heck it had been his way of coping since all this shit started. He craved the feeling it gave. The way numbness and hurt slipped away as the lines multiplied. He just knew he couldn't do it now. Not in Evans house. Never in front of Evan. Connor clenched his eyes tightly his leg beginning to bounce slightly despite him still laying down. He slowly sat himself up and pulled his knees right into his chest, his eyes pressed against his knees to block out the environment him and also to try and prevent the tears from coming. 

"Con." Evans sleep filled voice broke through the room. "Connor?" Evan opened his eyes and pulled himself up slightly, so he was sitting. "Connor, it's okay." He reached out and placed a hand on the shaking boy. Connor flinched moving away from the sudden touch.  
"Con, it's me, it's okay." Connor reached out one of his hands and Evan took it, linking their fingers together.  
"Ev, don't worry about me, go back to sleep." Connor mumbled out, his head still firmly on his knees.  
"Con I'm staying right here awake with you." Evan moves so he is sat cross legged opposite Connors huddled form. "Can I hold your other hand?" He asks softly. Connor tentatively holds out his other hand and Evan takes it tightly rubbing his thumbs across the back of each one. Connor never normally has anyone to comfort him when he's reached this point. 

Connor slowly looks up from his knees, watery blue eyes finding anxious hazel ones.  
"Thanks Ev." Connor says very quietly the previous tears still evident in his voice.  
"Wanna talk it out?" Evan asks squeezing Connors hands in comfort.  
"My heads just being too fucking loud." Connor quietly admits as if testing his voice for the first time.  
"What's it saying?"  
"A whole load of fucked up shit." Connor rests his head back on his knees again, eyes clenched shut.  
"All I want to do is fucking cut." Evan barely hears Connors statement which is met with a few seconds of silence while Evan determined that he had heard correctly. 

Evan pulls Connors hands towards him and places soft kisses on each of his exposed wrists.  
"Connor, you're going to be okay. The want to do it might be intense right now but it will go, it might take a while, but it will go." Connor looks up at Evan, his hair messily framing his face having come lose from where it was tied earlier.  
"It will just calm me." Connor mumbles. Evan lets go of one of Connors hands and hesitantly moves his hand up to push some of Connors hair behind his ear. The touch comforts Connor causing him to lean into Evans hand.  
"I'm here Con, and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to deal with this alone anymore."  
"When my head thinks this way it scares me, cutting is my way of dealing with the thoughts.” Connor squeezes Evans hand.  
“Do you want to talk about the other thoughts?”  
“I feel worthless, stupid, that life would be a whole lot better if I wasn’t around.”  
“Connor, stop, you are such an amazing guy. I love everything about you, nothing needs to change in the slightest. Life would not be better without you Con I’d miss you so much as would your mum and Zoe. I love you Con, they love you please don’t forget that.” Tears stream down Connors face, Evan pulls him into a hug. “You are worth so much more than your head is telling you.” Evan says softly into Connors ear. “You are so strong Connor, we’re going to get through this together I’ll be here every step of the way.”  
“Thank you.” Connor manages still overwhelmed with tears. 

Evan lies down next to Connor and pulls the other boy to lie on top of him. Evan circles his arms around Connor and rubs circles on his back.  
“Do you remember the first time you stayed over here?” Evan softly asks.  
“Halloween wasn’t it?” Connor places a small kiss on Evans cheek.  
“Uh huh, you came to my rescue when I had a panic attack because people kept knocking on the door.”  
“Yeah.” Connor breathes out.  
“We snuggled up here all night. You know that was the first in a very long time that I didn’t feel alone.” Evan admits. “I’m here for you now like you were for me then, you don’t have to be alone in all this, in whatever your head is telling you.”  
“I love you Ev.” Connor places a sweet kiss on Evans lips before curling back into his side.  
“I love you too Con and nothing will ever change that.”


End file.
